After Years Of Bullying I Told My Mum About My Depression & Nightmares3 min read

I still remember the day I first told my mum about what was going on and how I was feeling. I was having dinner at the kitchen table like normal and then I just started crying went into the living room and that’s when it all came out.

It was finally out in the open—everything from how low I was feeling and that all I could see was darkness, and that I felt trapped and I just wanted to end it all. I opened up about the visions I was seeing, the voices I was hearing and my vivid nightmares. I was so scared to tell anyone before that point. I thought they would find me a complete freak.

At the time this all started happening I was getting bullied by lots of different people at school. It had been going on for years, but I didn’t want to tell anyone. I knew if the bullies found out they would bully me even more.

I opened up about the visions I was seeing and the voices I was hearing and my nightmares

To be honest, it was a sigh of relief when I finally was able to tell someone about everything. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Through opening up about what was going on I slowly began to realise I didn’t have to go through the darkness I was facing alone and pretend everything was ok when it wasn’t.

I also realised that the people who truly care and love me didn’t see me as a freak, they wanted to support me in getting help. Even though it was terrifying for me to tell my mum, I’m glad I did because even though I still suffer with my mental health on a daily basis I feel like more people can help support me daily.

I slowly began to realise I didn’t have to go through the darkness I was facing alone and pretend everything was ok when it wasn’t.

Since that moment, I’ve learned different strategies for coping with PTSD and depression, and communicating with my voices. I’ve gotten help from lots of different types of professionals making myself what I like to call my ‘tool box’.  I regularly rely on a Self-Care Box with things like positive affirmation cards I can look to when I’m feeling low. I now feel much less alone and stronger because of it.

Bryony Moss

Bryony is a UK-based writer using her voice to help others living with disability and mental health. Visit her blog Defeating Disability for more stories.

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